The Dangerous Allure When Untalented People Use AI

I recently spoke at my daughter’s Girl Scouts troop about America’s 250th birthday. I brought a box of tea bags, and hid them in the students’ backpacks. I then had the girls search through everyone’s bags to illustrate the dangers of the writs of assistance. We then threw all the tea bags into a bucket of water to simulate the Boston Tea Party. (I wanted to simulate the Boston Massacre with nerf guns, but I was overruled.) My daughter often complains that no women signed the Declaration of Independence, so I brought a huge parchment copy of the Declaration, and had all the girls sign them with ballpoint quills. They really felt part of the movement.

At the end of the session, I showed them the classic Schoolhouse Rock video, “The Shot Heard Round The World.” I wondered how these young kinds would react to such an old school video from 1975. The animation is crude but the narrative is timeless. The music is still entertaining and the lyrics are clear. The Scouts were enraptured and understood exactly what happened. Plus they connected my lesson earlier about the Revolutionary War with the video. They all booed at the Red Coats and King George.

There is a reason we still watch these videos five decades later. Great care, art, and attention was put into producing this video.

This brings me to the Federal Circuit’s attempt at a “School House” rock video. I’ve since learned that Judge Newman was in the room when Chief Judge Moore played the video. The consensus was “WTF?” They literally erased a federal judge from the video. I understand there is a Senate Appropriations Committee hearing coming up with the Judiciary. The Administrative Office should be held to account for Moore’s narcissistic taxpayer-funded fever-dream.

But beyond the substance, I have to criticize the art. It is obvious someone asked AI to generate a theme song about the Federal Circuit. And the output reflects that process. The tune was so bland and boring. The lyrics were completely unmemorable. Even now, I can’t remember a single line from the song. The animations were clean enough, but the motions were so unnatural. And the imagery made no sense. Why was Ronald Reagan leading a Conga Line with Uncle Sam in the caboose? Why did the Judges wave glow sticks at Studio 54? Why did Chief Judge Moore fly off the bench to do a dance routine?

Anyone with artistic talent would have realized this video was terrible. But that is the dangerous allure of AI: it allows people without talent to pretend to be talented. Before AI, this video could have never been made. With AI, this video should never have been made. And, because everyone at the Judicial Conference was a captive audience, they have to dutifully applaud. No one will be watching this video in fifty years. I doubt anyone will be watching it in five days.

If I may draw a contrast, the award-winning Garland Walker Inn of Court in Houston puts on an annual musical review. This year, in honor of America 250, the Inn produced a show about those who signed the Declaration of Independence, and those who did not. It was funny, moving, and always entertaining. We are blessed in Houston to have such talented judges and lawyers (some of whom are my former students). Chief Judge Elrod and Judge Charles Eskridge were among the leads. One of the lead singers had performed on Broadway. The group did a reprise at the Fifth Circuit Judicial Conference. It was a rousing success.

Even during the pandemic, members of the Houston bench were able to produce a hilarious video inspired by Hamilton.

Patent nerds should not pretend to be talented enough to boast about making a Schoolhouse Rock video. Also, they should stop erasing Pauline Newman.