Neal Katyal’s Glock

The most iconic gun of the 1980s was the Glock. It was popularized in many rap lyrics because of its useful rhyme. Cypress Hill performed a song titled “Hand on my Glock.” Bruce Willis, as John McClane, warned about the “Glock 7” in Die Hard 2:

“Luggage? That punk pulled a Glock 7 on me. You know what that is? It’s a porcelain gun made in Germany. It doesn’t show up on your airport X-ray machines here and it costs more than what you make in a month!”

Of course, there is no Glock 7. Glocks are not made of porcelain, but are made in Austria, and they will show up on airport x-ray machines. But it was still an iconic line.

I would recommend the fascinating book, Glock: The Rise of America’s Gun, to learn more about this weapon.

Even three decades later, the Glock still maintains a hold on popular opinion. I find that whenever people who don’t actually own a gun want to sound knowledgable, they talk about Glocks.

That background brings me to oral argument today in Wolford v. Lopez. This is an unusual Second Amendment case. In Hawaii, businesses have to affirmatively opt in to allow conceal carry. In other words, a person with a license can only enter a business that is open to the public if the business posts a sign. I’ll write about the legal issue later. Here, I want to opine on the oral argument.

Neal Katyal argued the case on behalf of Hawaii. In years past, Katyal has been the de facto Hawaii Solicitor General. He argued Trump v. Hawaii, the travel ban case.

At two distinct points in the argument, Katyal referred to Glocks.

The first reference came during his prepared opening:

In some places, it’s reasonable to assume guns are welcome. In others, it’s pretty clear an invitation to shop is not an invitation to bring your Glock.

The second reference came during a page-long response to his former boss, Justice Kagan.

They’re not going to realize that someone might have a concealed Glock on them and the like.

These references were completely gratuitous. There are many weapons one can conceal carry. In the first line, Katyal was making a poor attempt at rhyming. Glock rhymes with some words, but not with “shop.” In the second line, “Glock” adds nothing.

Earlier this term, I watched Katyal argue the tariff case. I wrote that it “seemed like he was giving rehearsed answers.” He also had several prepared attempts at humor that did not land. It turns out that Katyal had invited comedian John Mulaney to the Court that day. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Mulaney and Kayal are working on a TV show together about the Supreme Court:

And there, near the back, was John Mulaney. The comedian and actor, dressed in a sharp suit with a dark blue tie, was listening along as the justices pressed the lawyers on the legality of Trump’s tariffs, according to multiple people in the room.

So…why was Mulaney there? The answer, it seems, lies with one of the attorneys litigating the case: Neal Katyal, who was representing businesses challenging the tariffs. Katyal and Mulaney are friends, with the comedian going on the attorney’s podcast and Mulaney hosting Katyal on his Netflix talk show Everybody’s Live earlier this year.

In fact, Katyal and Mulaney are working on a TV project together. Speaking at the Aspen Ideas Festival earlier this year, Katyal revealed some details on the collaboration.

“I’m actually writing a television show about the Supreme Court, it’s kind of a West Wing for the Supreme Court,” Katyal said. “I’m writing with John Mulaney and and it’ll be out in a couple of years. But part of the idea is to try and use the arts to spur a conversation about what justice is.”

Humor seldom works at the Court. Remember, in 2009 NBC was developing a show based on the life of Tom Goldstein, titled Tommy Supreme?

Press reports say the show will be called Tommy Supreme, but Goldstein says that’s likely just a working title, according to Washingtonian’s Capital Comment Blog.

“It makes no sense, so I’m sure it will change,” Goldstein told the blog. “It can’t possibly be real.”

Variety also had the news, saying the show will be an “inverse House,” depicting a likable guy in an unlikable profession. Writers are working on the pilot.

Whatever the writers came up with for that show could not be unreal than Goldstein’s reality.

As Biggie said, “Just ’cause I joke and smoke a lot, Don’t mean I don’t tote the glock.”